Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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