yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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