So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
