for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
