She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
