well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
