Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
