Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
being pregnant is like rehab
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
