The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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