my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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