We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
