I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
