i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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