hell yes lets make some ravioli
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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