I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
