very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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