Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
