If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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