You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
