Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
