I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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