I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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