i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
