and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I will be naked everywhere
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
