i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
