there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
