i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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