What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
