It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
