i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
