I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
