well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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