Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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