I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
