Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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