I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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