My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
