I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
