Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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