ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
