You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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