Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So many bounce houses so little time
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
