Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
