420 ftw
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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