HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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