I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
