My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
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