he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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