You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
