Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
