Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
