Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
